The past few months have been challenging and difficult, to say the least. The process of trying to regain the fragments of the person I used to be has been rough and life-changing.
I miss the happy, funny, loving and caring me. Every day it feels like a new adventure minus the fun: I have several pep talks with myself to get out the bed, and let’s not talk about the emotional crying spells. BABYYYYYY, when I get to Heaven, I am going straight to EVE like hey sis let me holler at you for a minute!
To give you an idea of why I am in pain, I have what is called endometriosis. It is a disorder where the tissue inside the uterus, which is called the endometrium, grows outside your uterus. This painful disorder can affect the quality of a woman’s life. Aside from physical pain, it can greatly affect mental health.
One day my book will disclose the full details of my journey. But for now, let me try to minimize this past month.
On March 25th, I had another surgery in hopes to relieve the daily pain. I spent the entire day before surgery thinking of ways to postpone it. I scroll from YouTube to Tiktok looking for a last-minute miracle to heal my endometriosis on my own. I came across a channel that gave me hope: ENDO SURVIVOR only to find out that they had as many surgeries and unanswered questions as I did.
So fast forward to surgery day, I was in so much pain and wanted to get it over that there wasn’t a nervous moment. My doctor was amazing and very informative. The surgery which was supposed to be 2 hours lasted 3 and a half. And 9 hours after I walked into the hospital, I was walking out heading home.
But, nothing PREPARED for the immediate change in life. I now understand the importance of everyone is different, you can’t feel my pain and I can’t feel yours. And though we may have the same conditions it can affect us both differently.
My body changed overnight, not down through the years OVERNIGHT, and the struggle has been real. From the hot to cold flashes, body trembles, sleep problems, emotional whirlwind, feeling of wanting to give up, the fatigue, the isolation, and so much more. Sometimes I think I would rather go back to the pain just to get back a part of me.
Yet, I’m learning that I may not find the ME I used to be, but don’t you dare think I WON’T FIND THE ME I AM PURPOSE TO BE IN THIS SEASON.
Sooner or later it will turn in my favor. And, “It’s going to be alright. Maybe be not now, but eventually, it will be.”